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Relational Mending of Systems: A Recipe for Human Healing
…mending is patient, steadfast, often unglamorous work — it is the work of choosing kindness over fear, again and again, in the smallest of everyday ways, those tiny triumphs of the human spirit which converge in the current of courage that is the only force by which this world has ever changed.
We are born to parents and received by kin, friends, collectives, communities and, eventually, the world at large. We were formed by known circumstances and –often unremembered– events and experiences. Elation of being met, despair of disconnect, and everything in-between is the stuff of learning relational life. What that was like, early-on, influences and colours how we live forward. After all, for better or worse, how we can belong was, and is, dependent on context.
Life’s ruptures, inflicted by other humans –especially when neglectful, malicious, or violent– shape us individually and affect us as couples, as parents, the dynamics in family systems, our collective rules, communal strife, and (not least) international relations. Broken connection without repair equals (mammal) trauma. Unattended trauma burdens the day-to-day. Importantly, this also shapes futures by way of generational transmission of said fragmentation.
Yet, even in the worst of circumstances
“we will, must, do” attach.
Systemic Traumatology assumes–known and unknown– frayed places and holes in our ancestral fabrics, resulting in relational fragmentation. Most change-seekers (a.k.a., clients) have mercifully adapted to belong into exactly their family of origin’s tattered fabric. From there, alas, personal pain, family conflicts, generational entanglements, and communal strive continue to be transmitted forward.They will, eventually, feed the ever ‘new normals’ of collective trauma.
A systemic lens allows us to gaze at our relational maps and their being nested in bigger context. We also see, what worked, and that not you are broken. Instead, we begin to recognise, and honour the (so-called) ‘dysfunction’ as embedded in, and abetted by, cultural and historical patterns, spanning across places and time. From there we begin to understand that ‘brokenness’ is not an individual’s failure at wellness, or ‘normality’, nor can trauma rarely be tagged onto an individual event.
Humans hurt others and suffer themselves within familial, communal, environmental, global, and any number of more universal contexts. As a result, we are stunned by systemic ruptures, pained by systemic alienation, and suffer from relational fragmentation.
Imagine Joining the Road from Trauma to Dignity. Together!
After all, we were made to thrive and flourish within, and through relations; all our relations. That’s where my services come in. Services offered in the spirit of a road to dignity and flourishing. This include one-on-one sessions, tabletop constellating, group constellating (both event online and/or in person), mentoring of aspiring facilitators, a monthly Constellating Systems Lab, and eventually (stay tuned) teaching webinars and blog access.
In short, whoever wishes to address stubborn issues from a place of transdisciplinary knowledge, systemic stance, and decades of skill acquisition, you are welcome. We will lean into all of the above and, concomitantly, ground every change in insights, as much as in our bodies. Relational mending to Self, Others, and the World at large will gradually re-home what is/was frayed or missing.
Moreover, wholeness, (re)made through a systemic lens allows us to eventually become change enablers in our families and for all kinds of relational life, beyond. We entrust which form that will take to the creative diversity any given person (and their related system/s) will benefit from most.
Becoming more whole to self, others, and the complex web of the many ecologies we each are part of, allows for ever more fluid belonging. My peoples’ treasured experiences never ceases to awe me. It is a true privilege to become part of their gradually mended wholeness to be change enablers everywhere and their worlds.
With Warm Regards
Karin Dremel, m.t.s., HP