Complex Trauma meets Constellating Systems
Pulling Curtains Gently a.k.a., constellating systems with a heart for trauma
In 1990, I had my first experiences of the –only later named– Knowing Field (Albrecht Mahr, MD, ca 2000.) My bodyself was quite drawn to this phenomenon, and still is. The challenges, experienced in my very early life, wisely, insisted on finding a meaningful place for my very existence in the systemic underpinnings of my family of origin, their socio-historical trauma imprinting, and their generational and ancestral trauma load.
Gradually, wordless murmurings of visceral terror and moonscape aloneness, began to ease when first had sought therapy. Constellating as a facilitator, around 2003, added to that via re-membering erstwhile fragmented parts that began to emerge as meaningful narratives. Since then, my longterm relationship with the Field yielded answers to many quests. The Field continues to surround my personal development faithfully. For this writing it is far more important to highlight that I can unquestioningly lean into the Field’s reliable companionship, in and throughout every counselling and facilitation process. Meaning, I entrust myself and my change seekers to the wordless, yet tangibly present, wisdom of untold aeons. No less!
My socio-historical location, first systemically encountered and connected to during Social Trauma Counselling, sparked my Systemic Imagination and the continued desire to seek, find, and take my place(s) in the world. That desire, over and again, allows me to move whatever old –and new– fragmentation surfaces, back into a greater whole. The image below shows a stone collage. I made it on the side of a street, where I sat, while still representing a change seeker in a workshop; you may say, it is ‘her’ stone collage. From this image (and experience) I later understood that integration into greater wholeness does not mean that fragments will merge. Wholeness is not one lump sum of all our experiences. This image speaks to that. There are tender, remaining fault lines. They may be vulnerable to breaking open, to rearranging the ‘deck chairs’. One part, or several, may respond to the presence of incidental or attempted assault. Initial experiences may echo through the new found gestalt. We may have times of feeling ‘set back’. The once integrated gestalt, however, has also become a (new) echo; a resource in time of st back.
Back to heritage. If a historical echo chamber is of complex magnitude, it merges into a dense systemic ‘mass’. Integrating, then, continues to be the work of a lifetime (I’ll keep you posted.) Undoubtedly, collective weight behind my personal heritage is vast. Making my Odenwaldian-German origin and German nationality the case in point: I am the descendant of war children (my parents) and of ‘colonizating-waring-genociding’ forbears (my grand- and great grandparents.) The ones in my parental lineages, obviously, survived and partook in the mounting events of the first halve of the 20th century. Their experience –bona fide wounds and indisputable guilt– were passed on to my body, mind, and soul, mostly in gestalt of fragmented absence, during the second half of the century
I was 39 years old when, holding the end of my rope, I traveled far to be at a welcoming place (River House, Lyons, CO), and with caring persons (Trauma Lamas, Dr. Anngwyn St. Just, Peter Levine, and their, then, students.) Unfolding the dense systemic silence and unveiling the pain of my biographical fragmentation joined. This began moving some fragments from disconnection into enough proximity to actually see them. Two years into the work, in a moment of doubting my ‘complex trauma load’, with quiet simplicity I was told “You qualify!”
No, this was not, nor is it still, a linear process. Albeit, a steady passion to learn more and to turn knowledge into skills accumulated in a relatively linear and integrating fashion. This passion is informed by the heritage of horrors perpetrated by my ancestral and collective forbears. It is informed by acknowledging the human-ness of the terrifyingly inhumane. At times, it is held by the tenacity to survive, passed on by above mentioned generations, when thriving is at odds.
The staggering magnitude of destruction in the field of my socio-historical location, in 1955, merged with terrifying experiences during my “first 700 days” (Alan Schore, Oslo 2014.) Mercifully, for some of which I can meanwhile be deeply grateful for. To share from a place of lived experience, becomes a privilege when I can support mending broken connection wherever possible. On the whole, I continue my voyage on the same path as all my change seekers. What’s mine to contribute to others, mostly younger ones, is the wisdom and skill I gathered during times I traveled ahead of them.
Sooo, what do my constellations look (and feel) like?
To those, otherwise experienced/apprenticed/trained, it may be my emphasis on emergent, trauma sensitive processing that is (mostly) unorthodox. I do continue to respect the team of originators (including, not limited to Bert Hellinger) and the pollinators of the global spread of the phenomenon. I refrain, however, from orders of love as guiding lights. Note! It is not love, per see, but the implicit ‘rightness’ –even universality– of (any given!) order. As a side note: This, may be my refuting what my forbears abided by and passed on. After all, it was orders that pressed every aspect of private, social, cultural, and military live into a desired shape. Thye were the LIFEBLOOD of Nazi-Germany’s twelve year run on a 1000 Year Reich.)
I choose to honour (even centre) the shattering impact of disordered love while constellating, by attending to emerging, inflicted wounds. Many a times, I work with change seekers themselves. At other times, I work vicariously with their representative’s nervous system. In my experience (and, yes!, also my opinion) any facilitator who works with a change seekers request needs to be prepared to have a heart for complex trauma. The heart, of course is expressed by trauma sensitive comportment, by including and fostering the communal gift of intentional participant circle withnessing, and by respecting (while also creatively addressing) a change seekers, so far, unshakable pain.